Fathers, those all important men who are daily being deliberately pushed aside. Many don’t even know their purpose and are thorn between living up to the world’s expectations and the remnants of their manhood. Yet fathers continue to be important in the lives of their children. So let’s answer the question “why are fathers important to their daughters”?
Or are they important at all? Can’t they be just sperm donors and then drop off the face of the earth afterward?
As their best security
Have you ever noticed that women are inherently concerned about their security? They always seem to be afraid that something bad is going to happen to them. There was a time when I did not appreciate the basis of their fear and I used to be annoyed when they expressed it.
I recall once riding in a taxi at night. We were flagged down by a woman. When she looked into the car and saw that there were only men inside, she closed the door and told the driver that she wasn’t travelling again. I questioned if she thought that I or any of the passengers were rapists. I didn’t get it at the time. Now I do.
Fathers provide a sense of security for their daughters as no one else can. They may not state it, but when daddy is around, his children/daughter feels most secure, if he is a caring father.
Sadly, there are fathers whose behavior causes their daughters to wish that they were never around. I refer here to abuse in all its forms; verbal, emotional, mental, sexual and financial.
A man should see it as his duty to provide security for his daughter. She should always be able to look to him and know that “I am always safe with my father, he will never do me harm”.
In addition, she should be able to know that he will protect her from all who would seek to harm her in whatever way. Fathers are the first line of defense to their children.
Too often we leave that to other people, but strong fathers – I’m not referring to an dictatorial person here – build a strong home. And at the same time he can be loving, caring, tender, understanding, patient and still firm with his children and others in the community. But he and his children are respected.
So the males of the community know that they should respect his daughters because to get to them, they have to go through him. Since he is well respected and liked in the community – not feared and hated – his children (daughter) is treated in the same manner.
She is therefore able to walk or travel the streets of her community without fear. At the same time, she exhibits the same traits of her father, so that after a time, she too is liked and respected and is secure as a result of that. Double security.
And a man does not have to be feared in his community, nor his daughter learn techniques of self-defense for this to happen.
So fathers, let your daughters be able to revel in the security that you provide them. In order for this to be possible though, you first must feel and know that you are secure. From my experience, the best form of security comes from a relationship with God. When you are secure in Him, you are secure any and everywhere. So too will be your daughter.
So get the Creator/creature relationship going and you will witness its positive effects in your life and that of your family.
To teach about men
Fathers are important to their daughters to teach them about men from a male’s point of view. Mother may provide the female’s view of the male to her daughter, but a father who is present and active in his daughter’s life, gives her both a theoretical and practical example of what to expect from men.
Girls form their concept about men by observing their fathers – whether he is present or absent.
If her father is present and taking a positively active part in their lives, then they will have a positive view of men. This would be reinforced by how their mothers responds to their fathers’ love.
When a man treats his wife with love, affection, respect ad loyalty, his daughter learns to expect it of all men. She will therefore, most times, reject anything less from every male. In so doing, she will challenge the young men of her generation and even others to rise higher.
If however, he is negligent and unkind, even though she knows better, she would tend to accept that type of behavior from other males. And the cycle continues.
Have you ever noticed that women who have abusive fathers tend to end up in relationships with men who also are abusive?
Or that many who came out of single mother homes and born out of teenage pregnancy, repeat the behavior of their mother?
Without realizing it, very early in life they accepted that, as the standard of behavior. Unless there is a deliberate effort to change or break the cycle, it would go on from generation to generation.
Some people refer to it as generational curse.
The best person to ensure that the cycle is broken is the father. On her own, a daughter would have an uphill struggle to make sure that she does not settle for the type of father that she has/had.
So if you are a dad to a female, you have a responsibility to teach her what she should look for in a good man. To do that most effectively, you need to model it to her.
Take time to teach her how men think, why we behave how we behave. Model right behavior to her and before her and teach her not to accept less from anyone.
To do so, you too must know what are the good traits that are found in a good man. There’s only one ideal place to learn that if you haven’t yet, and that is the Bible. But you can begin with what you already know. All of us have an inborn sense of right and wrong. Start from there, if you really want to see your daughter develop into that beautiful soul that she was meant to be.
To help them spiritually
I mentioned earlier that in order to provide security for his daughter a man should have a relationship with his Creator. This is absolutely true. That relationship, will also help him to teach his daughter about the God who placed her on this earth.
A woman who is in touch with her Creator, knows what is expected of her and knows how to live righteously. She will teach others to live righteously also, including her children.
Her father is the one to teach her about God. In order to achieve that, he must know God personally.
Without the right understanding of God, our concept of each other will be wholly different.
For example, if you do not believe in God, but instead believe in the survival of the fittest, life is not as sacred. When someone or something dies, it is seen as the weakest being removed to allow the fitter ones to be able to survive more comfortably. Therefore, there’s nothing to mourn over.
When, however, You recognize life as sacred because it comes from the only Source of Life, God the Creator, then you treat all lives differently. Murder will never be a welcomed aspect of life, neither would be abortion. Such a person would accept that while she may be the conduit for life, life and living comes from God. Seeking to take it then, would be to seek to move God out of the way, for He is life.
It will therefore determine how every aspect of life is approached and what a daughter teaches her children about worship, including idolatry, Sabbath rest, blasphemy, honoring parents, stealing, adultery, murder, lying and covetousness. A correct understanding of these laws helps in determining the type of family that is developed and so, the society in which we live.
So, a father who has that personal relationship with God, demonstrates God and His attributes to her daughter, who, if she accepts and practices them, will also pass them on to her children.
In rightly representing God to his daughter, a father is preparing her to have a less stressful life and to prepare others to experience the same.
In the book of Deuteronomy chapter 31 verses 18 -21, the need for such training is expressed like this:
“therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth”.
This promise holds for all nations according to the will of God.
So if you are a father and want to ensure your daughter gets the best training, get to know the Creator God and teach her to know Him for herself.
Fathers provide for their daughters
Just as God provides for all of His children on this earth, so too, a father is expected to provide for his daughter. She should be able to know that she can safely depend on you to give her the necessities of life and at times to even add to that. It is part of the security that your presence brings to her life and what she will later on expect of the man she chooses to share her life with.
If you are negligent here, do not be surprised if she turns to someone just like you when she becomes older. That’s what you taught her.
Or, she may make a success of herself, due to other positive influences in her life and become someone who despises you and all that she perceived you to stand for.
If your daughter sees you making the effort to provide for her, no matter the circumstances, she will respect and love you for it. Then, no one can get between you and her. And she will understand when you are genuinely unable to provide her with something that she wants.
Fatherhood calls for sacrifice. Who has to sacrifice? You! You chose to bring that young lady into the world and until you die – or God forbid, she dies – you are responsible for her.
Even when she becomes an adult and is able to handle life on her own, to her, you are still daddy – especially if you did a good job helping to raise her.
Can I whisper something to you? If you do your part effectively, you will see the rewards later on, for just as you were her lion when she was young and you defended her, she will be your lioness as you age. No one will get away with foolishness around you as long as she is there.
So make sure that she is clothed and fed – and that’s even if the disappointments of life step in and you and her mom are no longer into each other.
Work hard to ensure that she receives a well-rounded education and if there are extracurricular activities that she excels in, work to support her there too.
Guide her as she charts the uncertain waters of relationships, with both male and female and provide that safe place where she can run to, when things are not going well.
By this time, you should have learned enough about the fairer sex to understand that they are emotional beings, very emotional. If you have learned well from other females – including her mother, then you will know how to relate to her emotional needs also.
Sadly, most of us men do not know how to do this and we make a mess of things as it relates to our wives and daughters. The best way that I have learned – and I do not claim to have exhausted the process – to deal with the female, is to talk honestly with them about why they feel how they feel and do what they do.
Believe me, I have had a few aha moments following this process.
Not all females are willing to do this though and not all who participate, do so honestly.
Show interest in your spouse and it will make it so much easier in bringing up your daughter.
Fathers are important as role models
There is no better role model for a daughter of what to look for and expect from a man, than a father. Failure in being a Godly – that’s the best – role model will result in daughters having a twisted concept of men.
Consider to yourself, what kind of man would you be happy seeing your daughter walk into your house with and introduce to you as a potential spouse?
Does he excite confidence in you form the moment that you see him? Do you see a portion of yourself in him? Or are you immediately turned off and only tolerating his presence for your daughter’s sake. Is he totally different from you?
It is highly likely that the man your daughter chooses to get serious with reminds her of you, or he is totally opposite to you. It depends on the kind of role model you have been to her.
If she chooses someone who reminds her of daddy, it means that you have made a great impact on her, positively or negatively. Yes, she may choose someone like you even if she hated the kind of father you have been to her.
And then again, she may despise you and choose someone totally opposite to you, especially if she knows that his presence will irritate you. It all depends on her perception of you as her father.
Add to that how you treated and related to her mother. Children have that natural love and bond with their mothers that a father cannot have. Biology and nurture ensured that. You have to nurture her bond to you and the earlier you begin, the stronger it will be. But if your bonding brings her pain, hurt and sadness, then unless she learns to forgive, you will no longer have a daughter.
So model everything manly before her. Let her see you romance her mom, care for her. Be that industrious man in whatever you do. Be strong and courageous but not advantageous and a bully. Speak kindly, gently, with compassion and understanding but be clearly firm when it is needed. Smile, play, spend time with her and the family. Do not be abusive.
What you want for her, model before her.
As I said earlier, you will not regret it.
Are you a daughter or a father? What do you think about what you read? Can you add more to the discussion. If yes, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section provided.
As we love them up now, we can contribute to growing a better society.